I have now gotten into this discussion with two very different people–essentially, is Machiavelli right when he says it’s better for a leader to be feared than loved. My response is that it’s best to be respected. Here’s how I phrased it most recently:
To be respected is best for any leader; to be feared is a distant second, and to be loved is third–for the group, not necessarily for the individual relationship. Regrettably, people tend to take advantage of those they love; they obey those they fear only while eyes are on them; but the influence of those they respect can be long-lasting and strong.