The two passages below are vocab quizzes from two of my students. The control of tone is especially fine, I think, since although there are some obvious exaggerations, you can’t always be sure what is at least semi-serious and what is not.
My favorite subject is math. Or at least it was until it stopped having numbers anyway. To expatiate why math (or rather arithmetic) is my favorite subject, the main reason I like math is because its problems have a set answer; there is little room for a teacher’s opinion or other officious factors to interfere (I suppose there are those teachers that count off for your process; Ms. B*** managed to give me a D on a test after I got all the right answers because my process was different, which really pissed me off). Therefore, no matter what animus a teacher has toward a student, he can’t take off supercilious points (or since you always take the word “can’t” literally, rather the teacher would have no cogent argument nor any apposite reasons for taking off points based on hatred); no matter how contumacious his students are in class, he has to grade fairly (see above statement if you take “has to” literally as well). In other classes, such as English, teachers can be a bit unctuous in how they grade (it can’t possible by salutary to describe English teachers as “unctuous” on a vocab quiz, can it? Hopefully my grade decrease won’t be too precipitous after this) and sort of alter their students’ grades if they don’t like their students, or if they do like them, too. For example, if a student used the word “nascent” to describe freshly baked cookies, which kind of a weird use of the word but not totally wrong per se since nascent does mean new, a teacher who liked the student might accept it, but a teacher who hated the student would not (that was a cheap way to get “nascent” in there, but I didn’t see any other non-maladroit way of doing it). I’ve heard that some English teachers speciously say they will grade blind but then assign grades based on cursory glances at the students’ names (not naming anyone), which cannot happen in math class; therefore, I put math as my favorite subject.
I’m pretty sure that by now I’ve expressed my joy of this class, but I’ll go ahead and say it again: this class is by far the best class I’ve been in. The number 1 reason why I have a nascent interest in English is that the glorious Dr. Raulston teaches the class. When I first took a cursory glance at my schedule, I had mixed feelings. I never had much of an interest in English before, and upon seeing that Dr. Raulston was teaching the class, I thought, “This is where I crumple to the ground and cry. Farewell, GPA. It’s been a nice run.” I knew, thanks to Calculus, that my year would be a precipitous slope of hell on earth. I even succumbed to my contumacious self and dreamed of destroying the school just so that I wouldn’t have to go through the pain. After calming down, though, I accepted my fate and decided to think more positively. I was interested how Dr. Raulston would present himself to the class. Would people think that he was supercilious because he was the most brilliant being in the universe? Would the students express animus toward him because of his arrogance? It ends up that people liked Dr. Raulston immensely. Although he is the smartest man in history, he acted in an apposite manner so that he seemed like a humble, sassy genius. He is a really good teacher, too. He isn’t officious in that he intrudes into our academic lives too much, and he explains things in a cogent and understandable way. Of course, if need be, he’s competent enough to expatiate on something if asked to do so. Unfortunately, Dr. Raulston’s massive intellect is immune to unctuous efforts to deceive him into giving less work or students’ efforts to putting specious content in their papers without his noticing. That means we actually have to work (which is always a pain). He’s also very comfortable with students’ maladroit remarks in class, which I appreciate. Such tolerance allows us students to express ourselves without fear of getting punished. I suppose that’s why I like English now. The class just seems so relaxed, but we learn so much every day. It’s like taking salutary vitamins on a daily basis. Each day, you get a bit better and learn a bit more, and it’s a happy process (except when we get our paper grades back… then it’s absolutely demoralizing). I guess teachers really do make a difference.
Good times.